I was struck recently by some reviews I read of the film The Electric State, which premiered this month on Netflix.

The film has been getting hammered from all angles—I believe it’s some sort of ’90s nostalgia robot movie that tries to lean into our current AI concerns with a bit of a kitschy twist.

It has Chris Pratt in it, Millie Bobby Brown, and even Woody Harrelson voices one of the robots.

The great Stanley Tucci plays the villain.

The directors had had a hand in a lot of those Marvel movies, and the film had an insane budget of literally about a third of a billion dollars.

And yet it’s currently sat at about a 17% approval rating on Rotten Tomatoes.

Not only do the public hate it, but critics are calling it ‘dumb,’ ‘obvious,’ ‘lifeless,’ and—my favourite from The Times—a ‘turgid eyesore.’

Which begs a pretty compelling question as far as I’m concerned:

How?

You take an almost unlimited budget, a talented cast of some of the world’s most famous actors, a pair of directors with a string of hits behind them—and the outcome of all of this is a turgid eyesore?

It doesn’t make any logical sense.

It’s a weird quirk of art that talent, time, and money don’t necessarily result in greatness.

I feel like the same isn’t true in most other fields.

Professional sports eventually tend to become dominated by the richest teams with the most talented players.

That’s why only a handful of football teams (soccer, for my American readers) have ever won the European Champions League.

Speaking of Americans - they have rules and caps and drafts in their sports specifically to try and stop the richest, most talented teams from winning every year.

But it still doesn’t always work.

In science, the history of post-Enlightenment progress seems to suggest that, given enough time, talent, and money, almost no technological problem is insoluble.

And the more of those three things you have on one side of the equation, the quicker it balances out.

Just think about the space race, or the COVID vaccines (though maybe don’t spend too much time thinking about them…).

Of course, there are plenty of exceptions—where plucky underdogs win championships and amateur scientists stumble across life-changing discoveries—but I don’t think they disprove the general theory.

They are exceptional for a reason.

The same just can’t be said for art—and for cinema in particular.

In fact, I almost feel like an eye-watering budget and a fashionable, globally recognisable cast are dark omens in the world of Hollywood.

If you told me a new blockbuster starring everyone I’ve ever heard of was on its way this summer and it had cost Universal Pictures 300 million dollars to make, I would instantly assume it was bound to be crap.

Which doesn’t make sense really.

Now I’m not here to pontificate about the effervescent intangibles of art or how the immense pressure to please everyone so often results in pleasing no one.

To be honest, I’m a little bored of amateur film criticism, and I feel like vast swathes of the internet get far too much attention for slagging off “the state of Hollywood.”

In fact, I’m pretty anti-critic in general.

Especially since I’ve found myself on the other side of things, where people actually try to make art.

On the other hand, I’m a natural hypocrite—so my mind immediately began spinning as I read the reviews of The Electric State.

I wondered what the musical equivalents might be.

And, to be clear, I’m not talking about things that I think are bad, made by musicians I don’t really like.

I’m talking about musical projects where undeniably incredible talent and money came together to miss the mark entirely.

See what you think of my list and get in touch if I’ve missed anything.

Or don’t—and just indulge in some good old-fashioned schadenfreude.

1. Lulu – Lou Reed & Metallica (2011)

An unlikely collaboration that always threatened to be unlistenable. Instead, it was highly unlistenable. Lou Reed delivers obtuse monologues while Metallica chug away underneath like a pub band. “I am the table,” he growls at one point—widely agreed to be one of the worst lyrics of all time.

2. Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark – Broadway Musical (2011)

$75 million, music by Bono and The Edge, directed by the visionary behind The Lion King. What could possibly go wrong? Answer: literally everything. Performers got injured, the plot made no sense, and the music was forgettable. It holds the record as the most expensive musical in Broadway history. It closed at a loss. The reviews read like cautionary tales from a parallel universe.

3. Chinese Democracy – Guns N’ Roses (2008)

Fourteen years. Fourteen studios. An album so delayed it became a meme before memes were a thing. When it finally landed, it sounded… fine. Not terrible. Not brilliant. Just sort of… expensive. It’s like Axl Rose spent a decade trying to outsmart himself, and accidentally built a sonic monument to overthinking. Still not sure anyone’s made it all the way through.

4. Live at the BRITs 2007 – Oasis

The Gallaghers received the “Outstanding Contribution to Music” award, then took to the stage to prove how deeply ironic that title had become. The performance was shambolic even by their standards. Liam mumbled. Noel glared. The band stumbled through a medley like they’d just met five minutes earlier.

5. Michael Jackson & Friends – Munich Concert (1999)

One of the weirdest gigs ever committed to tape. Billed as a benefit concert, it turned into a surreal fever dream involving German military choirs, cherry pickers, missed cues, and Slash soloing while a stage invader was tackled to the floor. Jackson literally yelled, “Where’s my music?!” mid-performance. There’s a version of this concert that plays on a loop in hell (where, depending on your beliefs, you may allegedly find Michael Jackson...).

It’s proof—if it were needed—that in the world of music, as in movies, the gods are capricious and the alchemy is unknowable. You can have the best minds, the deepest pockets, the most gilded reputations—and still wind up with a 'turgid eyesore'.

Though I suppose that should be 'turgid earsore'.

Keep dreaming,

Rob